pretty. just. desserts.

Discussing a broken phone line with tech people is frustrating because they’ll always insist that it’s your phone’s fault. A phone that has been working perfectly well up until 3 days ago.

And then you start thinking about how quiet it is without the phone ringing every 4 minutes. And then you start to feel isolated by how silent everything is and you sort of just wish that the only noise in the house wasn’t coming from the air conditioning or the dryer.

But who cares because you’re going to the movies tonight with a totally cute boy that smells like gingerbread.

Voice On Tape - Jenny Owens Young

All the evidence points in one direction
since i don't need you physically around
I've got your voice on tape
I've got your words in me
I don't want anything else
I don't want anyone else

A thing that I have but I've dropped
All that I've had but I dropped

I want you back and forth
I want you up and down
I want you inside out

I've got your voice on tape
I've got your words in me
I don't want anything else
I don't want anyone else

And you say that I don't have this down
but I've been practicing out loud

I want you back and forth
I want you up and down
I want you back and forth......
(I've got your voice on tape
I've got your words in me)

more than i do

When I’m sick, and relatively snowed into my house I start doing things that make very little sense.

For example: i’ve started painting my floor. 

I only hope that when and if I conceive I don’t pass along my lunacy to my offspring.

Although it would, for the most part, make them more interesting to be around.  

i want your flowers

Sometimes I get confused and think that I want things that I probably, by all logic, shouldn’t want. These feelings come and go like the tide. My high noon of indecision. My good judgement kicks in and I think, “No, that’s all wrong for me.”

But is it?

I spent years thinking that I knew what was best for me. Years of waiting and wishing and hoping that just maybe…he would really see me. That he would grow up and I would learn to relax. And our lives would sync up and finally make sense. Our courses headed in the same direction. Our wants, needs and desires all being fulfiled. We could be happy, couldn’t we?

The reality is, yes. We probably could be happy. Some of the time. But how much would I have to give up in order to have a tiny slice of happy? Is it worth it? Is he worth it?

I was torn for a long time. And now I’m not. I love him very deeply. But that love has stopped being enough and I am looking for more.

More.

A word that rings of possibilities. A word I roll around on my tongue. A word I want to feel all the implications of.

And sometimes I get confused and think that you might be it.